Good days and bad days…

So yeah, it’s been awhile. 6 weeks, to be exact, including 4weeks since the kids started school. And why haven’t I posted? Yes, it’s been busy – completely overwhelming, to be honest. Between figuring out school, continuing to settle in, work, and classes, there’s not much time. But to be honest, that’s not the reason.

It’s just hard to write about hard times. And there have been some bad days.

There have been good days, too – many of them. In fact, everyday has had joyful moments. But for me, holding some of the harder moments, both for me and for the kids, has been incredibly intense, and that has prevented me from being ready to reflect on it in this format.

Obviously, moving is hard. Moving a family is particularly hard – new school, new routine, new friends. Moving a family to anew country where they will be speaking a new language is that much harder. Our kids’ school here seems wonderful – it’s the closest to a “community school” we could find. Many families live here in Polanco, and when we walk to school (at an unreasonably early 7:15am!) we are in a pack of other families from the school, all recognizable in their adorable blue and white uniforms. The school is attentive, the teachers are talented and caring. But it’s just different in a few notable ways:

• It’s a private school with strict routines and rules that our kids just aren’t used to. Uniforms (which differ by day, how confusing!) that need to be neat and tidy; specific ways of writing homework(capital letters all written in red pen! Skip specific lines in your ruled notebook!) The kids both are trying to understand these rules (when all explained in Spanish!) and develop the habits to adhere to them.
• Because of security, the campus is quite closed off – parents can’t enter into the building at all – we drop the kids off at the gate and they go in by themselves. This is pretty normal in general, but dropping the boys off on the first day was hard and scary for us all, I think!
• Did I mention the 7:30 start time? This is an adjustment for all of us!

And the biggest change: While the school is “bilingual,” 95%of the students (perhaps more) are native Spanish speakers; mostly Mexican but also Argentinian, Spanish, Columbian, etc. This is absolutely wonderful from a learning and immersion perspective, and frankly is better than what I expected. But I underestimated how hard it is for some kids (and adults, too!) to be in an environment where they literally can’t understand what is said – in the classroom, on the playground, at lunch. That can feel exhausting. I remember the feeling while in the Peace Corps of being in my village, at a community meeting or other place where I was really immersed in Runyankore, and just feeling lost. And I had a good grasp of the language at that point!

Let me take this moment to say: I am so incredibly proud of the kids. I can’t believe how bravely and confidently they all walked into this huge, different school on day 1 without even an ounce of hesitation (even as I choked back tears, unsurprisingly). They have been almost universally positive, optimistic, and open to this experience. That said, each of them has had challenging days –where they came home upset, exhausted, and frustrated. And I GET it. During those days – especially during the first two weeks of school – it took all of my emotional energy to hold their emotions. To not simply gloss over their feelings and tell them it’ll all be okay (even though I know it WILL be).But really to acknowledge – this is hard. You are doing an amazing job. To strategize with them – “Okay, it sounds like it’s really hard to understand what the homework is – how can we figure this out together?” To empathize with them –after all, we’re all learning the language too! We’re trying to make new friends, too! To wrap our arms around them, physically and emotionally.

And I’m SO happy and grateful to say that now, 4 weeks in, things are SO much better. Honestly, I was hoping we’d be here in 3 or 4months, so to be in this more positive, peaceful place so quickly is amazing. And again, such a credit to the boys, who (despite setbacks) were willing to persist through challenges with positivity. A few breakthroughs for us:

• Again, holding the kids’ emotions (vs gaslighting them) was really important, I think. It helped to build trust between us, to show that we’re on the same team
• Related, I did advocate for the kids directly with the school. We are one family of hundreds at the school, and I didn’t want to demand unfair treatment, but I did feel like our kids needed a little extra support in those first few weeks. So I wrote a note to the one of the kid’s teacher(yes, like a physical note – there is no direct line to teachers otherwise, this is their way of protecting them from helicopter parents!) asking to give him a little more support, especially related to homework
• We’re trying to lean into the small joys of life– ice cream after school, a swim in our apartment pool in the evening, cuddling over an audiobook before bed. These quieter, joyful moments are so sweet, and can go a long way to erase a hard moment or bad day.

There are so many more joys I want to write about - a recent urban hike we discovered, weekend trips to Puebla and Queretaro, new friends we're making - but it's important to sit in the discomfort, too. Because I know there's learning and growth in those moments.